Hello there!
Actually I am thinking not just twice but a lot of times before sending this or not to you. I am kind of worried that this might be the end of our good start or you might get disappointed or might lose your interest on me. Anyway, I am taking the risk for us to know each other so I am telling you my story.
Before we go further , I want you to know who am I, where I came from, what I have been doing in my life and who are the people who made and break me as a person. I came from a not so normal family here in the Philippines. My Dad is almost half Spanish and Filipino but most of the time he is a Filipino. My mom grew up in a very rural and poor big family of 15 in our remote town province Pampanga, Philippines. Legally, I only had 1 sister to my parents (Kate, she’s my youngest sister whom I am sending to college) but before us my dad had a child to his past GF before my mother and my mom had 1 daughter for herself (I don’t know the real story for that, but have a half sister from my mother). But though we have extra aside of our own family, me and Kate are the most privileged. We had a chance to become a well groomed and educated. We are not rich nor in the middle class. I would picture more of a Struggling family or should we say we survived.
At an early age of 18 I started working to pay for my college. I’m an ON and OFF academic Scholar in the university. I am a bit rebellious already then. I think of my own and hate being controlled. My greatest opponent of my choices was my mother probably because my mom and I have the same attitude. I have the same personality like her. I am a fighter and do not like being controlled and discriminated. We are both goal oriented, have high hopes and dreams, responsible all the time and most of all workaholic.
My parents had no problems with me in terms of responsibilities and studies; the only thing that we always had arguments was having a boyfriend. Yeah right, BF…hahaha…well those were the days when I was still young.
Moving on, life has been a pretty tough on me and my family especially when my mother died when I was 26. Then 2 yrs after I stupidly got engaged and married. That EX was the only guy that my mother met which she agreed with and unfortunately her dying wish to get married. Though it went that way, I learned to love him and accepted him. I opened myself and became very honest which turn out to be the start of the argumentation and the separation. I thought all a long I was immature on the marriage then I realized it was him who can’t take reality plus the fact that he had issues with his sexuality and illness. In a way it was advantage on my part of getting separated early time, come to think of it he spared me of something more scandalous in the end. I thank him for that but it was a very bad break up. That torn me into pieces and made me depressed until now. I tried my best to win him back for over a year. I did all the means to contact him, if only I had US VISA and enough to go in USA I would have been there chasing after him. But realization came into my senses, enough I said. Stop all these madness, I need to move on, it’s over and I wanted a damn DIVORCE which unfortunately FATE is not on my side. Had problems contacting him and he is nowhere to found. The only hope that I had was either me getting WIDOW or wait after 5 yrs to file abandonment (the separation was last May 2009 officially). Many times I asked questions to God, they said being a good daughter entitles you to have good life but then how come mine did not end up like it suppose to be. It’s so unfair. I have followed my mother’s dying wish. I loved. I cared and most of all I took responsibilities of being the mother-father of my sisters. I am the bread winner now. So this makes me very tough and workaholic. Life adds depression of my failed marriage situation.
But in spite of the heartaches and failures had a 2yr relationship with my ex BF way back from college after he found out that I am separated. That relationship was not the exact thing I want in my life. Though he offered me to be with him even though he knows my current situation, still at the back of my mind I want things to be fixed and I do not want another headache and pain in my life. I had committed mistakes before and I am willing to make things right now. Little by little I am learning life and accept my past. I don’t have the power to go back from the past and fixed things way up, the only thing I can do right now is to learned from those past mistakes and stand for my own decision. I know I have my parents behind and they care so much about me, I understand why they make decisions for me, they only wanted the best but I am matured now and old enough to take things on my own. I stop blaming my parents for putting me in a situation on my marriage. I had forgiven and forgotten my parents in doing that to me.
NOW, in the middle of nowhere we suddenly bump into each other. Yeah you’re right, I did not believe you at first and still trying to sink everything into my mind, asking myself WILL I TRUST YOU THIS TIME? I know I am not the fairest of the girls out there. Who am I to be choosy in my situation like this? But you know, I don’t care what others might think. What’s important is I am being honest and true to myself. Whatever is my decision this time, if anything fails, there’s nobody to blame but me. I will stand to my own decision.
I wrote so long, I told everything. I am not sure if you understood everything about me and my intentions. The reason why I let you read all these, is because I find you interesting. And I am taking my chance to prove myself right. We are half way around the earth apart from each other. We do not know each other yet that much. I wanted to be honest that’s all. Behind all my mistakes and failures, someone would accept me as me.
I am beginning to have a smile on my face when I wake up in the morning. I have a reason to look forward to and always excited to check on my phone. I feel very happy when I am talking to you. There’s sunshine again in my life. You’re my inspiration.
